Peace by Community: Why Isolation Isn’t the Answer

We’re continuing our Peace by Piece series at Passion Creek Church, exploring the slow, intentional, relational work of becoming a people of peace through teaching, community, practice, the Holy Spirit, and both moments and marathons.

In a world of chaos and anxiety, the church is called to be filled with peace—in our hearts, in our homes, and in our community. But in our modern age, it seems we’ve forfeited the vision of peace because we’ve forgotten the process of transformation.

Conversion is Easy. Community is Harder.

There’s a line from the musical Hamilton where George Washington tells Alexander Hamilton: “Winning is easy, young man. Governing is harder.” After the Revolutionary War is won and independence is achieved, the harder question emerges: What do you do with the freedom you fought for?

Hamilton still has a wartime mindset—aggressive, ready to dominate opponents, eager to get rid of naysayers. But Washington, older and wiser, reminds him that the skills that win a war are different than the skills that build a nation.

That same tension exists in the church. The skills required to win converts are different than the skills to grow a community. Birth happens in a moment. Growth happens over the marathon. Paul experienced this firsthand in Ephesus—Acts 19 records a dramatic moment of conversions, but then he writes this letter so they may grow into all God has called them to be.

Do ministry for any length of time and you’ll soon discover: conversion is easy, young man. Community is harder.

The Loneliness Epidemic

And community may be harder now than at any other time in history. Since 2017, America has been experiencing a decline in life expectancy, and experts are finally realizing the main culprit is loneliness. The percentage of Americans who say they have zero close friends has quadrupled since 1990. The digital age has us more “connected” than ever before, but sociologists tell us Gen Z is the loneliest generation of all time. Chronic loneliness is more dangerous to your health than smoking fifteen cigarettes a day.

Community is common sense, but it isn’t common practice. We have unintentionally formed a life that makes community nearly impossible—we block those who challenge us, we ghost relationships when they get difficult.

This is all compounded when the church can be more Hamilton than Washington. Birth is more fun than growth; winning is more exhilarating than governing.

Eugene Peterson observed: “[We] have little tolerance for a centering way of life that is submissive to the conditions in which growth takes place: quiet, obscure, patient, not subject to human control and management. The American church is uneasy in these conditions. Typically, in the name of ‘relevance,’ it adapts itself to the prevailing American culture and is soon indistinguishable from that culture: talkative, noisy, busy, controlling, image-conscious.”

So when you put it all together—a culture lonelier than ever, a church more impatient and busier than ever—you get what we have today: superficial relationships and super fragile peace.

We all have relationships that seemed strong but couldn’t withstand any conflict. Groups that grew together until tension showed up and it all shattered. Friendships that disappeared the moment things got awkward.

Three Paths Forward

In light of all this, there are a few paths we can go down:

1. Keep moving from relationship to relationship, from church to church
2. Give up on the dream of community and stay in isolation
3. Recover the biblical vision of community and become a beacon of peace

The third option requires a whole lot of grit and a whole lot of grace. And Paul is anything but vague about what that looks like in Ephesians 4.

A Body, Not a Brand

First, Paul gives us a picture: the church is not a brand but a body (Ephesians 4:16).

• From him – Jesus is the source of this unity and peace
• The whole body – no one is ignored or forgotten; we’re disciples, not attenders
• Fitted and knit together – God is intentional in His design
• By every supporting ligament – when relationships weaken, peace loses circulation
• Promotes the growth – God does the growing, but we create the best conditions

Just like a body, each person within a community has a part to play in supporting those around them. But also like a body, if one person is unhealthy and unwilling to change, the rest of the community can get infected.

Five Relational Sins That Destroy Peace

Then Paul gets specific about what disrupts and destroys peace in community (Ephesians 4:25-32):

1. Lying – Exaggerating the truth to make yourself look better, or maybe staying hidden—not revealing your sins and scars.

2. Anger – It’s easy to get angry in community. People let us down, hurt us, and injustice happens. There’s a difference between righteous anger and unresolved anger.

3. Stealing – We don’t honor people when we steal from them—possessions, yes, but also anything where you maintain a posture of taking and not giving.

4. Foul Language – This literally means rotten or decaying speech. This is sarcasm going too far, gossip, complaining.

5. Bitterness – Having disdain deep in your bones, which leads to more anger, then lashes out in wrath. Shouting and slander follow suit, leading all the way to malice—the intent to do evil.

Here’s a critical warning: this list belongs on our mirrors, not in our microscopes. This list serves to check ourselves and make sure we aren’t giving into these sins. As Jesus said, “Don’t look at the speck in your brother’s eye when you have a log in your own.”

Biblical community is a combination of comforting and confronting. But don’t forget the posture of Ephesians 4:1-3: walk worthy with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, making every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.

The Guarantee and the Choice

When you live in community, you will experience lying, anger, stealing, foul language, and bitterness. It’s a guarantee if you stick around long enough. The question is not if it happens but how you’ll respond once it happens.

I realize I’m not selling community very well right now. You may think: that’s why I don’t do community—it’s full of all these things. But when you live life long enough, you realize: community is the source of our deepest hurts, and it’s also the source of our deepest healings.

How you handle community will amplify your peace or amputate it.

 

The Four Stages of Community

According to M. Scott Peck, community moves through four stages:

1. Pseudo-Community – Everyone is polite and things are surface-level. Lots of false humility and false harmony.
2. Chaos – Theological disagreement, unmet expectations, distracting group members. People attack each other, the leader, or retreat to pseudo-community.
3. Emptying – People humble themselves and empty their expectations, prejudices, ideologies, and the need to fix problems.
4. Community – People let their masks down. Sin is confessed and weaknesses are known. People are accepted where they’re at. Conflict is addressed.

What’s really difficult is when you think you’ve reached the fourth level with people but then things go a different direction—they ghost you or change their opinion about you. It’s devastating.

A Personal Confession

There was a season at Passion Creek where my wife and I pulled back. The gut punch of losing community felt too much to bear. We still showed up and served, but there was a guardedness to it. Some of that was wisdom talking, but a lot of it was wounds talking. You can’t be vulnerable with everyone—that’s not healthy. But if you aren’t vulnerable with anyone, that’s not healthy either.

In my own discipleship, I sensed a pull to go deeper into the love of God. I sat under teaching, engaged in practices like breath prayers, sought promptings from the Holy Spirit, and committed to the marathon. But I realized I wasn’t experiencing the fullness of His love because I was trying to do it without genuine community.

Opening up to the love of God means opening up to the love of others. It’s putting your guard down to love and be loved. As we’ve opened ourselves up again, it has brought so much love and joy. We randomly tell each other that we’re scared we might get hurt again, but we’ve resolved it’s worth it.

Growing into the fullness of Christ is impossible without others.

 

People Can Be Awesome

It’s easy to be jaded if we endure one bad relationship after another. But people can be awesome. They can be such a gift. You aren’t experiencing all the peace God has for you if you don’t live in community.

Jennie Allen mentions six types of friends: the Sage (listens, prays, advises), the Encourager (believes in you), the Foxhole Friend (a good companion and defender), the Challenger (tells you the truth), the Fun One (brings the party), and the Planner (organized and thoughtful).

Two caveats: We put way too much pressure on one best friend to be all these things. And we should ask ourselves: how can I be this friend to others?

Two Invitations

1. Do all you can to join a Together Group – We meet weekly to share a meal, pray together, discuss how God is moving in our lives, and engage in the practices of Jesus together.
2. Do all you can to enjoy your Together Group – Put on humility and bear with one another in love. Maybe it means addressing conflict, emptying your expectations, or putting on forgiveness and compassion.

Peace by piece, we’re learning that community isn’t optional—it’s essential.

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